Back again ;)

There's no excuse for my absence. My 1-MONTH long absence. No, I haven't been that busy and no, my Internet service didn't crash. I just went to Tibet (I obviously did not), to a spiritual retirement, looking for myself. Anyway, I'm back. Hello again :D

Now that the Maths test is gone, I've been kind of amusing myself by browsing the Internet and reading an English thing that makes me want to sound like a poet whenever I'm writing. But I think the browsing part would be more interesting to share... I checked on a website I had found (and loved) some time ago and discovered this post, with three life-planning related questions. The one that really caught my attention was the first one:

Are you the best version of yourself that you could possibly be?

I loved this. I'm not the best version of myself that I could possibly be (I don't think anyone is) but I see no reason for letting it go without even trying. If I want to be thinner, to write more often or to be more independent, why not to go for it? It will make me feel better with my new, more perfect self. I know there's no such thing as total perfection but that's not a reason to stop trying to reach it. The closer you are to perfection, the more you love yourself, I suppose. And I'm looking for some self love right now. I feel like I've fallen off my tower of happiness, as I feared, and I obviously want it back again.

P.S - I'm already working on the "be thinner" part and I won't stop it until that dress (the one every girl has, wants to wear and keeps in the closet because  she thinks it makes her look fat) fits me perfectly.

yours,

millou

Perfect Friday

Hello there :D

Yesterday I spent my whole afternoon at Lisbon, basically shopping. I bought a new book I already started reading (by Miguel Esteves Cardoso) and those large awesome headphones I've always wanted. I'm really happy with those.

I've already sent my tale to that FNAC contest and... that's it. I have no idea of how good all the other tales are and I'm totally aware that it's very unlikely for me to win. Still, I wrote it, someone will read it and, even if they find it poor, I can always save it and do something with it later. I don't know. Let's just see how it goes.

Today was quite an interesting and inspirational day for me (and for my whole class, I think). We received a movie director at school and had a philosophical discussion about art and attitude. One of the questions (not the most important one, though) I was faced with today was:

What is art? Does it depend on the other people's reaction, or is it's only purpose to be an expression of yourself? Does it even have a purpose at all?

I'm not an expert on what comes to art, but it seems to me that it is something extremely personal. It's a piece of you, but outside your shell and visible to all. I don't think art depends on the others - I don't believe in art made with a purpose. There's no purpose in art - art simply IS. Art is art. Art is what the artist feels, what the artist shares of himself with the world. If it's so elaborated and complicated that it becomes a treaty, I'm sorry to say that, in my opinion, it looses it's beauty. Complexity ruins emotions. And art is, at least to me, emotion.

I watched a really nice film on Saturday (500 Days with Summer - beautiful!) and I clearly remember one scene: the two main characters (a couple) were at a museum, staring at poo. Maybe not real poo (at least I hope so...), but their comment about such a deep piece of art was: "Let's go to the cinema instead".

I think this is the classic ridiculous example of a "message-passing" art. I honestly can't see the point. Every single one of us has a unique perspective of the world and it doesn't make any sense to try to make people see what we want them to see in a sample of poo.

yours,

millou

Looking for the right words...

I'm now immersed in the difficult task of defining the tale I'm sending to the FNAC contest... No more than 200 characters, they say. My powers of synthesis aren't enough to describe 11 pages in 2 lines!
I have two options: one sentence vs two sentences. One sentence is nothing. Two sentences don't fit in two lines. The first sentence is good, but the second one sounds awfully unfinished. I hate them!

I can do this, I know I can do this.    <- self-assurance

This is my scared reaction to an article on young unemployed people I've just read. This is my scream of freedom, the release of the voice I love more than all the others - the one that shouts "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY LIFE! I will not stay at my parents' until I'm 25. I will not sit in a corner, mourning my miserable life. That will not happen! I will take risks, I will do my best to be dynamic and creative, I will look everywhere for a job. I will get my life. I will do what I want to do. No matter what. I will."

Of course that getting a job is one of the most obvious problems in a young person's life, but that article also showed another problem - in my opinion, a much more depressive one. It showed that young people nowadays are waiting for perfection to suddenly fall off the sky, right in front of them. They don't move. They don't try. They're not here, awake, doing their best. They are just wasting their lives, wasting their youth - and why??? Why?!

I've always felt this in society, in people around me. This sleepiness, this awful stagnation, both intellectual and emotional. It's... it's scary, actually. If they look like this while they're young and are supposed to have energy, how will they look like in a couple of decades, when they're supposed to be gray and old? Will we all be asleep - even more than we are now - forever? Don't we want to be forever young anymore? Doesn't anyone out there dream of freedom, of fulfilling dreams and chasing passions? IS ANYONE ALIVE OUT THERE??

I hope so, because I'm scared. Truly scared. That's not the life I want to have: miserable and cold. Empty. The emptiness scares me more than any other thing. I don't want to carry that feeling with me every second of my life. I would prefer dying right now, while I still feel something burning inside me. Some light, some movement, some hope. Something. Anything. But it's there, and it's fertile and it's growing to be something extraordinary - not some disgusting, poorly paid "I hate this but that's life" kind of job. No, that's not life. That's your life, not mine.

I think it is time to wake up - that's one of my personal goals right now, to ignite the sparkle inside me. Because this is, like all the bad habits, extremely contagious and if you don't fight it off, you'll end up like that. Eternally bored.

I strongly suggest you spend some moments thinking about it.

yours,

millou

2010 review

In the beginning of this year I had a feeling that it would be an amazing year. And it was. Not everything was perfect, of course, but I truly believe that those bad moments in time are even more important than the good ones, as we learn a lot from them.

So, let's start with all the negative stuff and leave the best for the end.

I've felt terribly this year.

I've lost a bit of my blind love for people as I've felt kind of (totally, in fact) betrayed.

I've lost important people I wish I could have kept in my life. 

I've been weak.

I've failed at preferring me and my interests over everyone else's.
I haven't trusted myself enough.

I definitely need to grow up and learn a lot...

STILL, I TRULY BELIEVE THIS YEAR WAS AWESOME BECAUSE:

I've felt so damn great this year!!

I've gone to a 3O SECONDS TO MARS concert alone!!

I've been (and still am) so happy about my marks in this new school year :D

I've told the right things to the right people a couple of times.

I've found a wonderful new home in the Algarve ;)

I've discovered the beauty of Muse songs.

I've lived unforgettable moments with people I love!

I've got much better at writing :D

I'm slowly learning how to be a calmer and more balanced person...

I'm not sure yet of what my feeling for 2011 is, but I hope it is, at least, as good as 2010. On one hand I'm kind of afraid that I'll fall off this state of happiness I'm in. That would be somewhat painful. On the other hand, I also know that I'll have better and worse moments in my life and, sometimes, there won't be much I can do to avoid that. I guess I'll just anxiously wait to see what's coming now.

yours,
millou

Shake up the happiness... It's Christmas time!! (by the way, that Coca Cola add is beautiful)

Hello!

Hope you had a Merry Christmas :D

I didn't post a Christmas message yesterday because I was too busy finishing and printing my short story... I loved writing it and my parents liked reading it as well, so I feel really, really happy. I'm thinking about participating in a FNAC contest (for short stories, this time) with it. I only have to enlarge it a bit.

About Christmas gifts... This year me and my family saved a bit on gifts. To be honest, none of us is a great fan of Christmas and we're all sick of this gift tradition, so we just bought the necessary.

What did I get? Hmm, a pair of BRAND NEW RED ALL-STAR :D Money, of course. Two books (one of them is Saramago's Blindness; the other one I saw in a 30STM newsletter), my perfume - Black XS, as always - and a calendar my mom made with animal photos taken by me. It was really amazing - and the only gift I wasn't expecting at all. I also received a pair of white gloves with a matching scarf :)

I'm now making truffles to give to my grandparents, who couldn't come yesterday to the Christmas dinner. And, no matter what you're thinking, I do know how to make truffles. They are absolutely lovely :D

yours,

millou